Sisters

We grew up mostly in the Midwest with the cold winters and hot and muggy summers of Michigan. We both went to the University of Michigan, and each of us in our own way left Michigan right after college never to live there again. Our mom stayed in Michigan until both of her daughters landed on Lopez Island, and then she moved here in 1987.

When Virginia finished her degree at U of Michigan in English, she was planning to get a Masters in Library Science. But, in reality, that was what our parents wanted her to do. Before she began the program, she realized it wasn’t what she wanted to do and that was when she picked up and went to Hawaii. Our father is the one who inspired us both to choose our path because it was what we wanted to do, not because it was what we should do or what others wanted us to do. We watched him as he battled heart attacks and depression – because he hated his corporate office job but stuck with it because it was “the right thing to do”. He died in 1968 at the age of 62. We both vowed we would not follow that path and in our own ways, neither of us did.

As a matter of fact, I kind of followed her around! In 1968, after I graduated from the University of Michigan, I went to visit her in Hawaii for a month on my way to San Francisco. I ended up staying there off and on for 7 years! Virginia came to Lopez in 1972 with our friend Connie from Hawaii. Connie had friends who had a cabin at Sea Ranch. After their visit, the owners of the cabin invited her to stay there for a while and she accepted. Who knew at the time that she would call Lopez home for the rest of her life! By the time I left Hawaii in 1975 she was living on Lopez and I came to Lopez and stayed for 6 months before fulfilling my earlier dream of going to San Francisco. In 1984 with my husband Chuck, I moved to Lopez Island and have made this my home ever since. There was a period when I lived in Seattle with my daughter Kelley, but Lopez was always our home. Virginia actually enjoyed having a place to stay in Seattle and often came down and stayed with us, allowing her to visit friends and take part in activities there.

One of the highlights of our relationship was the Monterey Jazz Festival. Every year for 45 years starting in 1973 we made a trek to Monterey California. We loved the music and the small community feeling of it. We made friends with the folks around us. At first, Virginia would drive down from Lopez and I would fly into San Jose (until I lived in the Bay Area). This was our vacation, so after the festival, we would do some exploring before we returned home. After I moved to Lopez we were able to make it a road trip – driving down together, camping on the way, sleeping on the ground without a tent! After Kelley was born, things got busier and then we would fly down just for the weekend. After Kelley graduated from high school, I bought my first RV in 2008 – and from then on it became an annual RV trip. We would drive straight down because we couldn’t leave until after the last farmers market. On the way back we took our time and explored the coast, central California – Yosemite and Sequoia National Parks, Nevada, Utah and even Montana and Glacier National Park. We would take a different route every year. The Monterey Jazz Festival became our shared vacation every year where we reconnected no matter how busy and separate our year had been. At first, each year we would look at the lineup and decide if we wanted to go. After a while, it didn’t matter what the lineup was – we always enjoyed it. We only missed two festivals in 45 years thru 2017.

As young children (and teenagers) we bickered a lot. There’s always the push and pull as siblings strive to establish their own identity. But we also did a lot of things together. One of my most special memories is sitting for hours while she played the piano and I sang. We did show tunes, Gilbert and Sullivan, and every kind of popular song. As adults, one of the most significant things we did together was travel.

There were many memorable road trips we took together. In 1971, we started in Michigan and drove across the country so I could do a job in Los Angeles. Even though we had both lived in Hawaii, we really had never spent any time west of Chicago in the central and western US. I remember driving across the plains and then seeing the Rocky mountains and Pike’s Peak rising in the distance. We arrived at the Grand Canyon in November. In the morning when we got up it had snowed and we were able to go out on the road and we made the first tire tracks – it was just us and the deer – and the view of the canyon covered in snow was spectacular. This was before the park became so popular and developed.

In 1975 when I lived on Lopez briefly after leaving Hawaii, we took a 6 week car camping trip (in the Chevy Vega which I later sold to Virginia). We traveled to Monterey for the Jazz Festival, slept on the floor of a dive shop, and then continued to travel down the Sierras and into Mexico to Ensenada. We would spread an old quilt on the ground and put our sleeping bags on top – no tent. We were operating on a shoestring, and more than once we would arrive late and leave early to avoid paying the camping fees! In Ensenada, we were taken in by a British woman who was appalled that we were planning to sleep on the beach, and instead let us sleep on her patio and then showed us around to places the tourists never saw.

In 2008 we flew to Michigan and visited old friends and cousins, then drove thru Ontario stopping at Point Pelee and Niagara Falls, saw friends in New Hampshire, then went on to Pennsylvania where we visited our grandfather’s farm  and chatted with the current  owners who had rented from him. Then we saw our Aunt Sally who was in her 90’s, went to Cape May New Jersey where we saw more cousins we had not seen in over 40 years, and finally to Baltimore where both our parents are buried. This was one of the most significant trips we ever took together.

Even though we’ve lived on Lopez together for most of the last 35 years, we really had separate lives. Our houses are just down the road from each other, but sometimes I wouldn’t really see her for weeks at a time as we were both busy with our own lives. Then we would find the time to have dinner together and get caught up. She was always there for me when I needed a baby sitter or a dog sitter, or someone to water the plants when I went on a trip. We also went to many concerts and events together.

When our mom had a stroke in 1996, we shared her care and were able to care for her at home after her first months in a nursing home. Each of us took care of her for two weeks at a time – me in Seattle at our home and Virginia in mom’s own home on Lopez. We were so lucky to have each other to lean on and to get some respite.

When she announced that she wanted to be called Virginia, not Ginger, my first reaction was “hell no” – Ginger was one of the first words I learned to say! But in time I realized that if that was what she wanted, then I would do it out of respect for her.

Virginia had the ability to make friends no matter where she went. She loved talking to people and always seemed to be engaged in conversations. The woman at the motel in Monterey where we stayed was her friend, the ladies at the Anacortes Pool were her friends. Almost everyone on Lopez was her friend. While she was ill, she was amazed at the number of people who sent her cards and came to visit her even after months had gone by. It meant so much to her–she “got” that she had really impacted people’s lives.

I’m so lucky to have had a sister who was also a friend. We were always in touch, even when we lived thousands of miles apart. In reality, she knew me better than anyone else – she had seen all the ups and downs of my life and she was always a part of it. I will miss her always and I know she will live in my heart and be watching over me.

–Talk by Ann at Celebration of Life on August 18th, 2019